After my dishwasher leaked again least week, a trick it only pulls when it senses that I’ve relaxed enough about it to not check on it every 10 minutes, I threw in the soaking-wet towel and ordered a new one.

As I signed the paperwork for it to be delivered this Saturday, I realized just how many things I’ve replaced in my home over the years. This would actually be dishwasher #2 since I moved in. I’ve also replaced all of the sinks, the disposal, the fridge, the dryer, the AC unit… basically everything except my stove and my hot water heater.

(And my washing machine, but since it is passed on from my parents and is one of those rock-solid no-bells-or-whistles top-loading 30+ years old machines, I don’t think it’ll ever die.)

I wondered which of the two appliances would go next.

I forgot about the microwave.

That is, I forgot about it until I put a mug in it yesterday and it began strobe-lighting, shrieking, and clunking like it was directed by Michael Bay. I stopped it and eyed it from a distance for a while, half-expecting alien life forms to emerge after such a spectacle. When none did, I opened the door. Aside from a slight whiff of burning and a cold mug… nothing.

Still. The thing’s at least 15 years old. Opening a portal to an alien battlefield on my kitchen counter is probably not worth squeezing a few more years out of it.

So I’m getting two new appliances this week.

Prime shipping for the win!