In the past week I…

– sliced open my thumb on a picture of Chuck Bass,
– cut both of my wrists,
– burned my hand,
and
– sliced a three inch gash in my thigh that was deep enough to make me think “Do I need stitches?”  and then think “Nah, I’ll just put a gauze on it.” Then, when I bleed through that piece of gauze, I cover it with another piece of gauze.  Then, when I bleed through that, I get a newer, bigger piece of gauze and a lot of medical tape and also some Neosporin and then I congratulate myself on knowing first aid.
– Two days later, the bandages gave me a rash four times the size of the gash.

Old age is dangerous.